Grieving What Never Was

Sometimes the intense grief we experience when someone dies is expected. You can’t imagine living without your devoted mother or your beloved son. Their presence in your life was enriching and comforting and special, so to lose that is obviously painful. But what happens when we lose someone with whom we had a bad relationship?Continue reading “Grieving What Never Was”

Grieving Someone in Active Addiction

“She’s still alive. I mean thank God for that. But I still feel like I’ve lost her, and no one understands my grief.” Several years ago, a therapy client came to me with this about her adult daughter.                 If you have ever had a friend or loved one in the throes of addiction, theContinue reading “Grieving Someone in Active Addiction”

It’s Not Your Fault (but now it’s your responsibility)

So many clients come to counseling to get help from a therapist for reactions that they no longer want to perpetuate. As adults, trying to navigate the world and especially relationships with others, they begin to see patterns and responses in ourselves that are at times unsavory. Perhaps they yell at their children, get insecureContinue reading “It’s Not Your Fault (but now it’s your responsibility)”

Therapy for People Who Don’t Want Therapy

Your loved ones are concerned about you. They think you need to talk to a counselor. Counseling has helped them, and they want you to get the same benefit. Only… You don’t want to talk. You have no experience with therapy or counseling, or you had a counselor once who missed the mark, made youContinue reading “Therapy for People Who Don’t Want Therapy”

“If there’s anything you need”/ How to Help a Hurting Person

Last week’s blog was on the common experience of not wanting to be too “needy.” This fear often keeps people from seeking or accepting support in their time of need. When working with people who have lost a loved one- or even people who are just going through a rough patch in life- I hearContinue reading ““If there’s anything you need”/ How to Help a Hurting Person”

I Don’t Want to Be “Needy”

Needy. The word triggers cringes and wrinkled noses when used in the context of one’s intense desire to connect with others. This is often a topic in the world of dating, but also with friendships, relationships of parents with their adult children and other types of relationships. In some cases, the word “needy” is usedContinue reading “I Don’t Want to Be “Needy””

“I’m Doing Okay” (but I’m not)

One of the most dreaded questions for people who are grieving is, “How are you doing?” Where does one even begin to answer that question after a loss? There seems to be a perception that if we are not puddles in a heap on the floor, soaking in a pool of our own tears, weContinue reading ““I’m Doing Okay” (but I’m not)”